Over and Over and Over Again

Recently, my life has been a little crazy. Most of you know that I had my first craft festival at the beginning of the month. Most of you may not know that it was not the best day of my life. The tent that was supposed to be provided was not. (Thank you, Brooke and your early morning Wal-Mart run!) The festival people charged a TWELVE DOLLAR ADMISSION for guests who wanted to come in and shop, eat, listen to music, whatever. People had to park 2 miles away and ride a stinky school bus to the festival site. Only half of the vendors showed up. I was there from 8am until 7:30pm and only sold SEVEN. ITEMS. Not only was that barely enough to cover the cost of my booth, it made for a VERY LONG DAY. Thankfully, I had my mom and Brooke there to keep me company and Lori even came out to join us in getting some really cool tan lines. So, the moral of the story is that it was a horrible financial experience, but I learned a lot! More festivals to come later in the summer. As for now, I am focusing my energy on selling to more retailers in Asheville. Anybody want a bag? I've only got EIGHTY of them! :)

As for life beyond the craft festival venture, things haven't been the best in the world. I will spare you all the boring details that my closest friends have spent hours listening to me talk about. I will say this: the life of my family seems to be on repeat. When I was 11 years old, my family was torn apart by divorce. My dad remarried, and I had a new step-sister. I remember that as an 11 year old, I was thinking to myself I am not happy about this. I don't like my new family. I want my old family back. The end. Then by the time I was 18, all the anger and hurt and rejection I felt as an 11 year old decided to surface. I was not a happy person. I was angry at my family. I was angry at myself. I was angry at people I didn't even know. After some VERY intense family conversations in which I was FINALLY able to speak my mind, I thought to myself If I can move past the past, we can all get on with our lives together, and maybe even learn to be happy with the situation. For the last 7 years I feel like my relationships with my dad and step-mom have improved and have actually become more fruitful than I ever thought they could. I felt that I was to the point where I could call my step-mom my friend. It was a good feeling to know that things were good; that I had learned to like these people in life that I hadn't always been fond of; that our family was ok...a little dysfunctional...ok a lot dysfunctional, but we were ok with each other, and that was all that mattered.
Then it happened. For the past couple of months, I knew something was up, but thought There is NO WAY that I am going to have to deal with all the crap that I had to deal with as a kid again. I'm too old for that. Adults shouldn't have to worry about that kind of stuff. Things are good here. Why are they being messed up? But it was true. My dad is moving on with his life. Our family, once again, will be destroyed by divorce. I'd rather not spill the whole story here, as I am not sure I want the whole world to know my pain and suffering. However, I'll say this: granted these people I call family have no blood relation to me, but they have been my "family" for 13+ years. I don't plan to look at this situation and say "Oh they are just my STEP-family. Sorry about our loss. Let's move on. It's been nice knowing ya." I CAN'T look at it that way. I have relationships with them. I WANT to call my step-mom and talk to her about things that are going on in our lives. I WANT to meet up with my step-sister and her husband and solve the world's problems and play with their sweet little boy, Jordan. I DON'T WANT our family to end. And maybe it hasn't . I mean, really, anything can happen. God doesn't want or like divorce. He doesn't want our family to be torn apart like this. I just have to keep praying (and hope that you will help me!) that hearts will be turned toward what GOD wants and not what SELF wants. This marriage CAN be restored, but only with love, time and God's help. I don't know the end of my family's story. All I know is that I don't like it happening over and over and over again.