With all that is going on in our lives these days, many everyday things are being pushed to the back burner...you know, things like thinking. And so, many random and weird things are happening in just about everything I try to do:
-(Caution all Diet Coke fanatics...the following could cause you to go into some sort of shock!) I decided the other day that I just can't take continuing to gain the weight that I lost in Feb/Mar of this year. After hearing a story about a friend who stopped drinking soft drinks and started exercising and lost 25 pounds, I thought "hey, I'm not sure about that whole exercising FIVE DAYS A WEEK thing, but I might be able to give up my beloved Diet Coke." Then I quickly realized that "giving up Diet Coke" was not in my vocabulary. So, I opted for a compromise: reward myself with Diet Coke after drinking a set amount of water every day. (For those of you who crave this wonderful drink we call Diet Coke, you know just what kind of motivation this is!) I decided that I didn't want to go from drinking 8-10 oz of water a day to drinking 64 oz of water a day, as I am not in the mood for floating away! I devised a plan: start out drinking 40 oz of water a day (5-8oz glasses) for the first week, then 48 oz of water a day for the second week, and so on and so on until I reached 64 oz of water a day. The first day of my experiment/diet plan arrived. I filled up some water bottles and placed them neatly in the refrigerator. I decided I needed 5 of them (remember: 5-8oz glasses to start off with). I was ready to go. About 5pm on the first day of my experiment (just after finishing bottle #4, I realized something very hysterical...each bottle that I had filled with water and neatly placed in the refrigerator was not 8 oz, but TWENTY OZ EACH!!!!! I HAD JUST HAD EIGHTY OZ OF WATER!!!!! This proves several things: 1-I am way too busy, if I can't even think about how many oz are in a standard bottle of water. 2-Drinking the recommended 64 oz of water a day is not impossible, nor is it all that bad. I 3-After drinking 80 oz of anything in a given day, one has NO DESIRE for any other liquid, including Diet Coke. 4-Did I mention that I think I am way to busy to think about how many oz are in a standard bottle of water?
Like I said before, normal everyday things are being forgotten. However, other things are VERY organized and planned out: like our trip to Sylva yesterday. I had conveniently planned my doctor's appointment, Marty's (very late) birthday lunch at the Cullowhee Cafe, an afternoon with our nephew, Jordan, and dinner with Amber and Travis all in the same visit. First thing on the list of things to do/places to go in Sylva: Doctor's office. I arrived ( the practice had moved so I spent a few extra minutes having to find it) and walked up to the door like a good little patient. I signed my name on the "sign-in here" sheet. I was told when I made my appt. that I would need to fill out new patient info sheets since the practice had moved (What? You moved buildings..did you forget to take my records with you??? I didn't understand this upon making my appt. and still don't understand it.). So, I told the lady at the window that I would need my "new patient info sheets" since I was apparently a "new patient". She glances at the "sign in here" sheet, types something in the computer, and politely looks at me and says "Sarai Gilbert, oh I'm sorry, you're appointment was yesterday at 10:30am." The next words out of my mouth were "You've got to be kidding me." I proceed to tell her that when I called to make the appointment, I was told 3 times on the phone ( by a woman who asked me 4 times (in less than 10 minutes) if I had health insurance, which probably should have been my first clue as to how this appointment day would turn out) that my appointment would be THURSDAY, JULY 29th at 10:30 AM!!!! And so that it what I had in my head and in my planner and on my desk calendar...THURSDAY, JULY 29th at 10:30AM. And now, I'm a day late. Lade behind the window then proceeds to ask me "Do you live in Sylva?" to which I reply "No, I live in Mars Hill and apparently just wasted an hour and a half driving over here, and, oh yeah, I have to drive back." She then says to me "Well, there's no way that we can see you today. We have several staff members on vacation and we are completely covered up. We have blah blah blah dates for you to reschedule one. Which would be best for you?" I said (in a not so nice tone with not so nice body language) "Well, hold on. I guess I'll have to go get my calendar." (This was code for I need my security guard, Marty.) After we spoke with the lady behind the window a little more, we were informed that all scheduling is done by the lead doctor's sister...who LIVES IN FLORIDA!!!!! (For those of you who don't know, that's about a 12-15 hour drive and several states away.) Does this make sense? No. Lady behind the window then lets me know that the closest available date for me to reschedule would be during the week of the High School Music Camp that Marty and I work at. So, I scheduled my appointment for July 11th with the lady behind the window. WHAT? I thought all scheduling was done by lady who doesn't live here?!?!?!? Needless to say I was VERY frustrated, and upon leaving the office, I decided to let out one heck of a "AHHHHH!" in the parking lot. Thankfully, the rest of the day was smooth and fun and worth the trip over there. And since gas is only $3 a gallon these days, lady behind the window will be happy to know that I am very rich and can easily drive a total of 2 hours to get to her more than once.
Have I mentioned that crazy and weird things are happening around here?
Friday, June 30, 2006
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Over and Over and Over Again
Recently, my life has been a little crazy. Most of you know that I had my first craft festival at the beginning of the month. Most of you may not know that it was not the best day of my life. The tent that was supposed to be provided was not. (Thank you, Brooke and your early morning Wal-Mart run!) The festival people charged a TWELVE DOLLAR ADMISSION for guests who wanted to come in and shop, eat, listen to music, whatever. People had to park 2 miles away and ride a stinky school bus to the festival site. Only half of the vendors showed up. I was there from 8am until 7:30pm and only sold SEVEN. ITEMS. Not only was that barely enough to cover the cost of my booth, it made for a VERY LONG DAY. Thankfully, I had my mom and Brooke there to keep me company and Lori even came out to join us in getting some really cool tan lines. So, the moral of the story is that it was a horrible financial experience, but I learned a lot! More festivals to come later in the summer. As for now, I am focusing my energy on selling to more retailers in Asheville. Anybody want a bag? I've only got EIGHTY of them! :)
As for life beyond the craft festival venture, things haven't been the best in the world. I will spare you all the boring details that my closest friends have spent hours listening to me talk about. I will say this: the life of my family seems to be on repeat. When I was 11 years old, my family was torn apart by divorce. My dad remarried, and I had a new step-sister. I remember that as an 11 year old, I was thinking to myself I am not happy about this. I don't like my new family. I want my old family back. The end. Then by the time I was 18, all the anger and hurt and rejection I felt as an 11 year old decided to surface. I was not a happy person. I was angry at my family. I was angry at myself. I was angry at people I didn't even know. After some VERY intense family conversations in which I was FINALLY able to speak my mind, I thought to myself If I can move past the past, we can all get on with our lives together, and maybe even learn to be happy with the situation. For the last 7 years I feel like my relationships with my dad and step-mom have improved and have actually become more fruitful than I ever thought they could. I felt that I was to the point where I could call my step-mom my friend. It was a good feeling to know that things were good; that I had learned to like these people in life that I hadn't always been fond of; that our family was ok...a little dysfunctional...ok a lot dysfunctional, but we were ok with each other, and that was all that mattered.
Then it happened. For the past couple of months, I knew something was up, but thought There is NO WAY that I am going to have to deal with all the crap that I had to deal with as a kid again. I'm too old for that. Adults shouldn't have to worry about that kind of stuff. Things are good here. Why are they being messed up? But it was true. My dad is moving on with his life. Our family, once again, will be destroyed by divorce. I'd rather not spill the whole story here, as I am not sure I want the whole world to know my pain and suffering. However, I'll say this: granted these people I call family have no blood relation to me, but they have been my "family" for 13+ years. I don't plan to look at this situation and say "Oh they are just my STEP-family. Sorry about our loss. Let's move on. It's been nice knowing ya." I CAN'T look at it that way. I have relationships with them. I WANT to call my step-mom and talk to her about things that are going on in our lives. I WANT to meet up with my step-sister and her husband and solve the world's problems and play with their sweet little boy, Jordan. I DON'T WANT our family to end. And maybe it hasn't . I mean, really, anything can happen. God doesn't want or like divorce. He doesn't want our family to be torn apart like this. I just have to keep praying (and hope that you will help me!) that hearts will be turned toward what GOD wants and not what SELF wants. This marriage CAN be restored, but only with love, time and God's help. I don't know the end of my family's story. All I know is that I don't like it happening over and over and over again.
As for life beyond the craft festival venture, things haven't been the best in the world. I will spare you all the boring details that my closest friends have spent hours listening to me talk about. I will say this: the life of my family seems to be on repeat. When I was 11 years old, my family was torn apart by divorce. My dad remarried, and I had a new step-sister. I remember that as an 11 year old, I was thinking to myself I am not happy about this. I don't like my new family. I want my old family back. The end. Then by the time I was 18, all the anger and hurt and rejection I felt as an 11 year old decided to surface. I was not a happy person. I was angry at my family. I was angry at myself. I was angry at people I didn't even know. After some VERY intense family conversations in which I was FINALLY able to speak my mind, I thought to myself If I can move past the past, we can all get on with our lives together, and maybe even learn to be happy with the situation. For the last 7 years I feel like my relationships with my dad and step-mom have improved and have actually become more fruitful than I ever thought they could. I felt that I was to the point where I could call my step-mom my friend. It was a good feeling to know that things were good; that I had learned to like these people in life that I hadn't always been fond of; that our family was ok...a little dysfunctional...ok a lot dysfunctional, but we were ok with each other, and that was all that mattered.
Then it happened. For the past couple of months, I knew something was up, but thought There is NO WAY that I am going to have to deal with all the crap that I had to deal with as a kid again. I'm too old for that. Adults shouldn't have to worry about that kind of stuff. Things are good here. Why are they being messed up? But it was true. My dad is moving on with his life. Our family, once again, will be destroyed by divorce. I'd rather not spill the whole story here, as I am not sure I want the whole world to know my pain and suffering. However, I'll say this: granted these people I call family have no blood relation to me, but they have been my "family" for 13+ years. I don't plan to look at this situation and say "Oh they are just my STEP-family. Sorry about our loss. Let's move on. It's been nice knowing ya." I CAN'T look at it that way. I have relationships with them. I WANT to call my step-mom and talk to her about things that are going on in our lives. I WANT to meet up with my step-sister and her husband and solve the world's problems and play with their sweet little boy, Jordan. I DON'T WANT our family to end. And maybe it hasn't . I mean, really, anything can happen. God doesn't want or like divorce. He doesn't want our family to be torn apart like this. I just have to keep praying (and hope that you will help me!) that hearts will be turned toward what GOD wants and not what SELF wants. This marriage CAN be restored, but only with love, time and God's help. I don't know the end of my family's story. All I know is that I don't like it happening over and over and over again.
Things I Love Thursday 6.15.06
So, I am a blog slacker. I can't help it. There's too much other stuff going on in my life right now. Maybe I'll get you guys caught up in a post later today. Until then...
Thing I Love: Tostitos Hint Of Lime Chips
I have liked these chips since the first time I tried them, but it wasn't until recently that I realized I could eat the whole bag at one time. My favorite thing eating them is when I am finished and I get to lick all the yummy lime flavoring off my fingers. Yeah, that's a good time.
Thing I Love: Tostitos Hint Of Lime Chips
I have liked these chips since the first time I tried them, but it wasn't until recently that I realized I could eat the whole bag at one time. My favorite thing eating them is when I am finished and I get to lick all the yummy lime flavoring off my fingers. Yeah, that's a good time.
Tuesday, June 6, 2006
Tagged By Lo
Lo tagged a bunch of us on this one last week, and now that I have time to breathe (even though I can't because I have a really nasty cold) I thought I would try it.
I AM: a wife, a Christian, Rai, a friend, anal, Sara with an I, a daughter, organized, creative
I WANT: my efforts toward my business to pay off.
I WISH: I could live in IKEA.
I HATE: having to worry about making ends meet; divorce.
I MISS: living within walking distance ( or at most a 15 minute drive) away from my closest friends.
I HEAR: XM Radio (The Message) and the sound of one really cool washing machine.
I WONDER: if I will ever become a recording artist. I
REGRET: only a few things in life, but know that they have taught me more about who I am and who I want to be.
I AM NOT: good at dealing with stress.
I DANCE: at the most random times that it surprises even me.
I SING: in the car, VERY LOUDLY; with Marty; at church
I CRY: at most things. Sometimes it really stinks to be cry-er. Being emotional often prohibits me from saying what I want to say when I really need to say it. If I see people crying, I usually cry. I
AM NOT ALWAYS: what I appear to be (happy, strong, content), but I am learning that people are more understanding and supportive when they see the real me.
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: some stinkin' cute stuff!
I WRITE: MANY MANY MANY to-do lists.
I CONFUSE: smiles with joy.
I NEED: a life free of drama caused by others...Lord knows I make enough of my own! I SHOULD: take more time to soak up God's blessings for my life, and not just ignore them, take them for granted or pass them by.
I START: thinking about things that I know will weigh heavily on my mind knowing very well that I won't be able to stop thinking about them soon enough.
I FINISH: tasks that I say I will finish. I used to be better at this, but I am trying to improve! I'M GLAD: that Marty is so passionate about helping me to be a better person.
I LIVE: with WAY too much stuff going on 90% of the time.
I PRAY: not as often as I should; very selfishly at times.
I SEEK: rest.
I WOULD RATHER: "be a failure than famous...living without you." That's a line from "Without You" by Shaun Groves, a song that Marty incorporated into his proposal video. One of my favorites.
I PREFER: to be told the truth; to NOT be the last one to know important things that have to do with me and my life; to have a tan; to do what I want to do when I want to do it, even when I know it's not supposed to work like that.
I KNOW: that for as crazy as my life has been, I have turned out ok. :)
I MUST HAVE: music; a creative outlet; friends; Jesus; Reese's Cups; ICE CREAM; Birthday Cake.
I HOPE: to watch 24 for the rest of my life.
Blog slackers Maleah and Brooke...it's up to you guys!!!
I AM: a wife, a Christian, Rai, a friend, anal, Sara with an I, a daughter, organized, creative
I WANT: my efforts toward my business to pay off.
I WISH: I could live in IKEA.
I HATE: having to worry about making ends meet; divorce.
I MISS: living within walking distance ( or at most a 15 minute drive) away from my closest friends.
I HEAR: XM Radio (The Message) and the sound of one really cool washing machine.
I WONDER: if I will ever become a recording artist. I
REGRET: only a few things in life, but know that they have taught me more about who I am and who I want to be.
I AM NOT: good at dealing with stress.
I DANCE: at the most random times that it surprises even me.
I SING: in the car, VERY LOUDLY; with Marty; at church
I CRY: at most things. Sometimes it really stinks to be cry-er. Being emotional often prohibits me from saying what I want to say when I really need to say it. If I see people crying, I usually cry. I
AM NOT ALWAYS: what I appear to be (happy, strong, content), but I am learning that people are more understanding and supportive when they see the real me.
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: some stinkin' cute stuff!
I WRITE: MANY MANY MANY to-do lists.
I CONFUSE: smiles with joy.
I NEED: a life free of drama caused by others...Lord knows I make enough of my own! I SHOULD: take more time to soak up God's blessings for my life, and not just ignore them, take them for granted or pass them by.
I START: thinking about things that I know will weigh heavily on my mind knowing very well that I won't be able to stop thinking about them soon enough.
I FINISH: tasks that I say I will finish. I used to be better at this, but I am trying to improve! I'M GLAD: that Marty is so passionate about helping me to be a better person.
I LIVE: with WAY too much stuff going on 90% of the time.
I PRAY: not as often as I should; very selfishly at times.
I SEEK: rest.
I WOULD RATHER: "be a failure than famous...living without you." That's a line from "Without You" by Shaun Groves, a song that Marty incorporated into his proposal video. One of my favorites.
I PREFER: to be told the truth; to NOT be the last one to know important things that have to do with me and my life; to have a tan; to do what I want to do when I want to do it, even when I know it's not supposed to work like that.
I KNOW: that for as crazy as my life has been, I have turned out ok. :)
I MUST HAVE: music; a creative outlet; friends; Jesus; Reese's Cups; ICE CREAM; Birthday Cake.
I HOPE: to watch 24 for the rest of my life.
Blog slackers Maleah and Brooke...it's up to you guys!!!
Thursday, June 1, 2006
Learning to Breathe Again
I was talking with a friend the other day at Ladies' Bible Study. She asked me what kind of things I was into these days, and I responded "A little bit of everything...May seems to have been such a busy month!" And then I realized that I can't remember a month in the past year where I HAVEN'T been busy as all get out!! It seems like every time I have almost gotten ahead, I've had to take 3 steps back. What's kept me so busy? Well, there have been things that haven't taken a lot of time: Joseph coming home from Afghanistan; keeping Bella for a week; friends getting married-which means lots of showers; vacations weekends to Inman, SC, Atl for Wicked (still loving every minute of that show!!), Seagrove Beach FL with the Brasstown Crew, girls' weekend in Pigeon Forge, etc, etc, etc. But the thing that is consuming my every waking, and sometimes sleeping, moment, has been the Mountain Homecoming Craft Festival at Haywood Community College on June 3rd.
Most of you know that about a year and a half ago, I started organizing people's homes for a job. Well, I quickly found out that it's not such a booming business. Most people need to have their homes organized, but they don't have the time/money/energy/want to for it. So after about 13 months, and only 5 jobs, I decided it was time to give it up. I didn't feel passionate about it, as I once had. I REALLY like organizing my home, and it's always gonna be here and always need organizing modifications, so I'll just stick with it!!
About a year into my organization business saga, I realized the income flow wasn't cutting it. So, I heard that Tupperware had a service that they were offering to help people use their Modular Mates containers to organize pantries. So, I started in October 2005 as a Tupperware Consultant. It was a lot of fun getting all that set up...making business cards...getting LOTS of free stuff...planning parties...it was fun. It still is fun! It's kinda slow right now because of summer vacations and end of school plans. But that's ok, because summers are (believe it or not) REALLY busy for me. In the beginning, the Tupperware business took off. I couldn't believe how busy I was with it. Then, about 3 months later, the "usual" month occurred...about 4 parties a month...about $1500 in sales...trying my hardest to get more bookings at every party. Now, I am NOT one to beg people to do something that they may or may not want to do. So, begging people to buy something or have a party was NOT my idea of a good time. Even without begging, I have been the top seller in WNC/East TN for 7 months straight, and now the only person ahead of me is my recruit! So, Tupperware, while not always booming, is a pretty decent constant. I can pretty much bet that I'll have a few parties a month, and parties = money.
After about 3 months in Tupperware, I realized that it was taking time, but not taking enough time. I felt like I was working until noon every day and then was bored out of my mind until Marty came home at 5. As anyone who has ever breathed knows, being a newlywed is NOT easy, financially. Money ways tight, and I felt like I wasn't doing all I could do to add to our household income. After praying about this, and discussing options with Marty, God sent some very special people into my life...3 ladies from church who were selling their crafts in local WNC stores. I had been making purses off and on since April 2005, and thought that might be a good way to earn a little extra money here and there. So, I immediately began the "let's start a new business" drama for the THIRD TIME IN 15 MONTHS!!!! Thankfully, God gave me the excitement, and AWESOME support from family and friends to get my started. Once I started telling people what I was doing, I started getting contacts at local gift stores and contacts in the Craft Festival Industry. It was like an outpouring that was so great, I couldn't even wrap my mind around it! Those ladies from church were very helpful with ideas to make my products better, and even gave me the idea to start a baby gift line of products, which have turned out to be my best sellers! Once lady, Lanise even spent an entire day taking me to local shops where owners could see my product and place orders of their favorites to sell. I got 2 HUGE orders and several more contacts that were interested. I couldn't believe it! During this time, I had been accepted to the festival at HCC and was busily working to get my stock built up for that. I felt like I was sewing non-stop for about 2 months straight...every day for 4+ hours, I sat at the sewing machine (thank goodness for TiVo-ed Oprah episodes to help me along!) sewing and sewing and sewing to the point where I really didn't even know what I was making anymore. It really surprised me that I didn't get burnt out with it all. But the strangest thing happened. After every product was completed, I immediately fell in love with it and thought that it was the cutest things I had ever made, and then I couldn't wait to make another!! These past few weeks I felt like I was being pushed to the max. I am only one person. I don't have the money to hire someone to help. It was ALL UP TO ME. Yeah, that stressed me out just a little. Throw in a weekend to Atl and a 5 day trip to FL (which were both anti-stressors!!!) and I really thought that I might die from all the work that had to be done. The hardest thing was that I had never done a festival before and didn't know what kind of stuff I would need or how many of each product to make. AND...what if I failed miserably? These were all things that were weighing VERY heavily on my mind...every minute of every day. Then, today came...ahhh...today...when I realized that my to-list would be easily completed, I only had 10 more items to make before my stock was complete, and I could breath. *sigh* The festival still hasn't happened, and I don't know how many products I will be able to sell on Saturday (Please be praying for LOTS of buyers!!!!), but I know that I'm at peace with it all. I feel as though I have reached a place, both in my business progress, and my trusting in God to provide, that I can breath...again.
Most of you know that about a year and a half ago, I started organizing people's homes for a job. Well, I quickly found out that it's not such a booming business. Most people need to have their homes organized, but they don't have the time/money/energy/want to for it. So after about 13 months, and only 5 jobs, I decided it was time to give it up. I didn't feel passionate about it, as I once had. I REALLY like organizing my home, and it's always gonna be here and always need organizing modifications, so I'll just stick with it!!
About a year into my organization business saga, I realized the income flow wasn't cutting it. So, I heard that Tupperware had a service that they were offering to help people use their Modular Mates containers to organize pantries. So, I started in October 2005 as a Tupperware Consultant. It was a lot of fun getting all that set up...making business cards...getting LOTS of free stuff...planning parties...it was fun. It still is fun! It's kinda slow right now because of summer vacations and end of school plans. But that's ok, because summers are (believe it or not) REALLY busy for me. In the beginning, the Tupperware business took off. I couldn't believe how busy I was with it. Then, about 3 months later, the "usual" month occurred...about 4 parties a month...about $1500 in sales...trying my hardest to get more bookings at every party. Now, I am NOT one to beg people to do something that they may or may not want to do. So, begging people to buy something or have a party was NOT my idea of a good time. Even without begging, I have been the top seller in WNC/East TN for 7 months straight, and now the only person ahead of me is my recruit! So, Tupperware, while not always booming, is a pretty decent constant. I can pretty much bet that I'll have a few parties a month, and parties = money.
After about 3 months in Tupperware, I realized that it was taking time, but not taking enough time. I felt like I was working until noon every day and then was bored out of my mind until Marty came home at 5. As anyone who has ever breathed knows, being a newlywed is NOT easy, financially. Money ways tight, and I felt like I wasn't doing all I could do to add to our household income. After praying about this, and discussing options with Marty, God sent some very special people into my life...3 ladies from church who were selling their crafts in local WNC stores. I had been making purses off and on since April 2005, and thought that might be a good way to earn a little extra money here and there. So, I immediately began the "let's start a new business" drama for the THIRD TIME IN 15 MONTHS!!!! Thankfully, God gave me the excitement, and AWESOME support from family and friends to get my started. Once I started telling people what I was doing, I started getting contacts at local gift stores and contacts in the Craft Festival Industry. It was like an outpouring that was so great, I couldn't even wrap my mind around it! Those ladies from church were very helpful with ideas to make my products better, and even gave me the idea to start a baby gift line of products, which have turned out to be my best sellers! Once lady, Lanise even spent an entire day taking me to local shops where owners could see my product and place orders of their favorites to sell. I got 2 HUGE orders and several more contacts that were interested. I couldn't believe it! During this time, I had been accepted to the festival at HCC and was busily working to get my stock built up for that. I felt like I was sewing non-stop for about 2 months straight...every day for 4+ hours, I sat at the sewing machine (thank goodness for TiVo-ed Oprah episodes to help me along!) sewing and sewing and sewing to the point where I really didn't even know what I was making anymore. It really surprised me that I didn't get burnt out with it all. But the strangest thing happened. After every product was completed, I immediately fell in love with it and thought that it was the cutest things I had ever made, and then I couldn't wait to make another!! These past few weeks I felt like I was being pushed to the max. I am only one person. I don't have the money to hire someone to help. It was ALL UP TO ME. Yeah, that stressed me out just a little. Throw in a weekend to Atl and a 5 day trip to FL (which were both anti-stressors!!!) and I really thought that I might die from all the work that had to be done. The hardest thing was that I had never done a festival before and didn't know what kind of stuff I would need or how many of each product to make. AND...what if I failed miserably? These were all things that were weighing VERY heavily on my mind...every minute of every day. Then, today came...ahhh...today...when I realized that my to-list would be easily completed, I only had 10 more items to make before my stock was complete, and I could breath. *sigh* The festival still hasn't happened, and I don't know how many products I will be able to sell on Saturday (Please be praying for LOTS of buyers!!!!), but I know that I'm at peace with it all. I feel as though I have reached a place, both in my business progress, and my trusting in God to provide, that I can breath...again.
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